Morose on Monday

The past few days have not been easy. Starting about Thursday I had a relapse of whatever this still undiagnosed problem of mine is. Of late it has manifested itself as pain in the legs and feet, which isn’t helpful for walking. Nor is it the limit. All the other symptoms still persist, and on that Thursday I had the return of “no strength” when my wife asked me to lift a pot off the stove and I couldn’t budge it with both arms. Just the week prior I picked up half of a riding mower and shoved it out of my way. Since the pot incident my strength has somewhat returned.

I went out shopping Friday. Three hours of leaning on a cart and thinking I wasn’t going to make it. The stores helped by not having most of what I was after (sold out on the second day of the sale?) so that sped things up. Upon my return I discovered the entire three hour trip had been only one hour. Not a good sign.

Saturday was the crash. It started out normal, but I was feeling quite tired so I decided to lay down and rest for a bit. Just to see if I’d feel any more energetic or less painful afterward. What I got was more sleep, albeit without moving which added to the pain and didn’t add to the energy. I dragged through the rest of the day doing nothing. Managed to walk the dogs around at night and take some pictures of the sky. Not really a big accomplishment when you consider that on each of these days I had originally planned to go harvest wood. Not sure how that’s going to happen now.

This is the worst relapse I’ve had in a very long time. Going back to a doctor is the normal procedure, but considering they (all eight of them) have been no help in either diagnosis or treatment in the past eight years I don’t think anything is going to suddenly turn around there. They’ll stick one of those all-purpose labels on it, like “fibromyalgia” – a disorder which has no definitive test, symptoms, or treatment and doesn’t help at all in planning the future.

I’ve got to know what to expect. It so bad right now I’m contemplating things like walking aids and wheelchairs, either of which would severely alter my lifestyle. For some people, perhaps most, “I just can’t do that any more” probably isn’t that much of a problem. For me it’s a living death sentence because it interferes with the care of not only myself, but my wife as well – and our zoo of three cats and two dogs.

At this time the photography is not enough of a distraction, as I am having difficulty even going ’round the yard to take pictures. Or getting up off the couch sometimes.

2 thoughts on “Morose on Monday

  1. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so poorly, and disappointed that with all the strides in modern medicine they can’t seem to help you. Just do what you can do whenever you can do it. (BTW, your comments on my recent posts have been very helpful. I’ll take all the photography advice that I can get.)

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